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100 Happy Days – Day 14
Does this count since it was technically last night – Red Bulls won their first CONCACAF match!!!  Wooo.

I am writing early to hopefully get it out of my head.  I am really scared about this hearing.  I can’t seem to get the paperwork my uncle wants.  I tried calling my former employer and the HR people were nasty.  I am so scared that this is bigger than I thought it was.  What if I did more damage that I thought?  I’m not scared for my former employer, I’m scared for me.  What if this hinders me getting a new job?  What if it screws up my life?
Several people are saying how strange it is about all this bother.  My brother has said that he knows people who have quit that have gotten unemployment with few issues.  This scares me.  I just want a second chance.  I know I screwed up, but I’m scared it was a massive screw up.  And I am also embarrassed and scared that I have let down my parents and the people I care about.

Huge regret was not getting the help for my anxiety when I had insurance.  But again… I was scared.  I thought I could handle it on my own and now I’m stuck.  If/when I get a job with insurance that will be a priority.  I hate feeling this way – the fear… the lack of control.   For the past 24 hours I have felt completely nauseous and have been forcing myself to eat.

Just want some help.