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A lot has been happening and I really need to vent.  There is no one I can talk to without sounding like the bad guy.

My brother is in rehab after his back surgery.  And my mom keeps going on about him coming to our house after they discharge him.  I see no reason why he can’t go to his apartment.  I don’t want him coming here and I feel bad that I feel this way, but I do.   Since I don’t have to deal with my stressful job, this year was supposed to be a great and relaxing christmas.  So much for that.  I want it to be like normal, I dont want things disrupted.  When my mom asked him tonight if he wanted to stay at our place, he said that would probably be easier.  I felt like getting up and walking away (instead I kind of just stared straight ahead as my stomach jumped into my throat)  It’s not that I don’t like my brother, I do.  But I just don’t see why he can’t go home when he’s discharged.

We went to see Elf the Musical today.  It was nice.  I wish I could still have that childhood magic of Christmas.  As an adult you can have fun and kind of make it happen, but that pure excitement and glee just isnt there.

On the way home we visited my brother and that is where the bomb about him staying with us dropped.  It just feels like my perfect relaxing holiday is being lost bit by bit.  I honestly felt like crying on the way home in the car.  Then I felt like there was something wrong with me because I don’t want my brother at home and that I should have been feeling all christmassy and merry.

I just needed to get all of this out because as I said, if I mentioned it, I’d be called selfish and inconsiderate etc for not wanting to have him here.